Poetry

Ummm... okies, it's "poetry"... enjoy ;)

Absence

The night grows still in the flickering
Candle flame of my heart,
Rosily illuminating memories etched
In the shadowed periphery of absence.
Her laughter is a faint echo
In the blurry afterimages I can’t quite
Focus on, lost in the darkness around me.
Her touch is a longing no longer fulfilled,
Her breath on my face a quieted breeze,
Her voice a song I strain to listen to
But all I hear is the drafty silence
Of a room far, far away
Trapped in a tear dried on my cheek
As I watch her smile vanish
In the flickering light.

Butterflies

I feel the wind that comes from summer
Like butterflies dancing in stained-glass sunlight
To the music that whispers faintly
Through the open window and billowing drapes
Of my bedroom as I sit at my desk
Writing to you of this growing stillness in my heart
I know you’ve heard it a thousand times but
Every time I look into your eyes I see
Sky as it clears after a storm
Brighter than before the clouds came
Upon our picnic in the little park by the lake
Each time is a new day, like how butterflies
Never look exactly the same the second time you see them
I wish we could go back to that place by the lake where
The butterflies were
When each time they opened their wings it smelled
Fresh like the air after a gentle rain

Darkness Claims My Heart Again

Darkness claims my heart again
the cold once feared I now embrace
no more tears, no more pain
empty gaze upon my face
Emptiness now fills my soul
life but a fading memory
shadows fill the gaping hole
where love once lived in me
You know my name and my voice
soon forgotten to distant time
and I no longer will rejoice
in pleasure or in wicked crime
I am no longer a one to desire
but a shadow in frigid fire

Forever

When I look at her my heart smiles
When she smiles, I am warmed
As if by the sun in all its radiance
When she touches me,
I feel alive as never before
Her voice is a song in my soul
Her love is a symphony to my spirit
And I dance like a child to the sound
Her kiss fills me with joy
And the feel of her arms wrapped around me
Makes me secure and safe
She completes me as no other ever has
She is a thousand blessings
She is a world of wonder and delight
She is the most precious gift
I could ever have been given
She is the everything I have always wanted
And to her I give my heart,
My love, the song of my spirit
And the care of my being
Forever

Fragrance of Miracles

The Fragrance of Miracles

Potatoes boil in the olive oil with peppers and onions,
the onion I dashed with blazing rage to the cold stone floor
of my basement bedchamber.
The cookfire searing the skillet like the fire that burns in my breast
long after the flames of anger are wisps of smoke blown
away upon the gentle breeze of reason.
Again, I scorched her with the blaze of violent words of
misdirected passion that should have been that shared
intimacy lying together after making-love.
The miracle of her heart, God’s patient and enduring love,
stays her feet from fleeing from me, leaving.
I plead my case for forgiveness and pray I become saner
yet as passionate, less angry, more patient.
The meal is finished and she, blessed grace, cleanses
the plates from which we ate while I step outside
and leave behind the sack of refuse I carried to the lane
returning to smell the fragrance of the night after
a cool and calming Spring rain.

I Am Woman

I am twice
Body and spirit,
Princess, Warrior, Lover
Woman
Touched by fingers which elicit
Both delight and confirmation,
Pleasure and assuredness
That I am me
Love that flows like a river
Bathing me in splendor
She is he
With me, a man
Beautiful
Filling me, a new way
We become one
A lasting moment
One
Then each other
Together
In a lasting embrace
In love

I Cannot Sleep

I Cannot Sleep for the Dreams

I feel the weight of sleep pressing down upon me yet
I cannot sleep for the dreams
that constantly arise to consume me….
Haunting dark visions tempting me to kill
the quiet tender nature of my heart and soul…
Greed and possessive lust hammer at my eyes to close them
while the sick, festering hounds of my dreams seek
to take me down after I have already fallen…
Why does this come upon me now?
I envision the descending pale blue-white glow of moonbeams
as the figures of angels appear to heal the disease of my spirit…
Emotions loosen their bonds, gushing into my stomach
burning me upward into the physical recesses of my mind
exploding caustic terror to rend the last vestiges of my control…
My ears fill with a dull ring, echoing endlessly through
my limbs and body, unstringing the loom of my consciousness,
severing the final strand of my strength and weakening me
to the poison of dark, vile intent that ceaselessly pulls
me down into the depths of frigid fear, tearing
from my soul my love for life and God and the woman
I once trusted with my heart and my youthful desires…
The dreams again threaten to chain me in torture and pain and
rip from me Love, drowning me in the sea of unforgiving darkness
drowning me in sorrow, wretched loneliness, and pain
until at last I am delivered into the arms of Death
where I will dream anguish forever

In the Depths of My Heart

In the depths of my heart, she dwells
She fills the space where ache once stood
Giving me love that within me swells
And takes away my sense to brood
She brings me joy when I feel sadness
And is the ray of light to eyes
That cried in lack of happiness
Bringing to me the bluest skies
To God, my soul sings such thanksgiving
And from my mouth such praises great
For t’was God who gave such blessing
That I should know this joyful state
Oh, my heart to know such perfect love
I shall e’er rejoice whilst below and when above

Loving Her Loving Me

She looks into my soul and smiles
Her lips part moist
Longing for the touch of my tongue
My eyes deep into her
Feeling the hum of her body beneath my fingers
Tongues touch, emamoured with desire
We resonate with each other as no other may
Senses spinning , whirlwind of passion
Upon the bed my lips touch her deeply within
Tongue seeking her craving
She cries out, her delight my thirst
The rush of her dancing on my palate
Drinking in love as sweet water
Then she lays me down, restrained
Her touch like feathers, my every nerve responds
She gives her love into my heart and I flood her
Reeling in delight at her touch until the sun breaks the grey of false dawn
And we lie within each other’s embrace

Outside My Window

Looking out my window at the sullen sky of my soul
wondering when my life will truly begin
and I may forsake the vestiges of inhumanity I have been
these years of my existence
my heart cries for the healing touch of my lover's lips
and I long for her embrace to tell me
I am alive again
but I hear only faint whispers of her in my dreams
and see only shadows where she should have been
standing, watching me admire the roses she brought me
from the garden in the sideyard outside my window
When I close my eyes, the world becomes the reality
I believed it could be when I first became aware
that I was alive in the first place
I wait in my own shadow for my breath to come
and my heart to beat with the hope of losing both
to the soft caressing touch of her soul to mine as we
become the one we were meant to be when there was no
garden in the now lifeless sideyard
outside my window.

Pink Depression

written December 16, 2003

My mouth tastes like caffeinated nicotine as I sit here
staring at the hypnotic pink mesh of my depression
I bring the cigarette to my dehydrated lips,
thinning with fatigue and worry,
to take another drag of death.
I called to let her know I was insane,
she knew, but neither of us could think of a way
to keep the dogs from starving.
Worklessness has made us wither from
the fat dreams we once had of modest contentment, lost
in the sorrowful estrangement of love.
If only, as always
is nothing more than a broken circle of
everything I wished for when I
was dreaming.
There’s still not work when I awaken.

Praise the Light and the One

Praise the Light and the One!
Grateful am I for the love I have been given!
To be her delight, her love, her heart
And she mine!
I hear the songs of Love and Fire,
My desire alight,
My spirit aglow
And I filled with a joy I have never known!
Her kiss touches me deeply,
Her hands healing of the wounds
That I have borne so many years.
Her love has illuminated me
And I feel more beautiful,
More desirable,
More loved for her presence
And her heart.
I am blessed with a richness
It will never fade or fail,
It will sustain and heal,
It will shine like the sun within me
And become my radiance.
Praise the Light and the One!

Shadow's Rise

Alone, she watches the shadows rise
darkness clearing her vacant eyes
she waits with hunger for one to come
heartless, unfearing, soulessly numb

Shadow on shadow falls
quiet night's resonant walls
echoing her fading screams
until again she sleeps and dreams

Slaking thirst in the gush of life
she drinks in her nocturnal wife
to give her a gift that never dies
eternal love without the lies

the night grows pale, sun to rise
as she closes her lifeless eyes
resting till the day has gone
and hunt again, but not alone

She Is Me

I look into her eyes and I see
so many years of anguish
so many years of pain
I see in her distant memory a time of joy
replaced with bloodshed and horror
I see a love acknowledged
but only to herself
buried deep beneath her armor
I see her broken body of the past fade
I see her in a child
I see the hands that took from her
the sanctity of her purity
and the hands that robbed her of herself
I see the hands that sought to beat from her
every failure, every mistake
and that hands that lied when they touched her
I see the tears on her face
from so many years of sorrow
the salted streaks etching lines in her face
I see her forlorn gaze looking back at me
and I wish I could erase all the hurt and rejection
all the bruises, all the wrongs
I want to hold her and make her safe
when I turn away I know
that she is me

Snowfall

Shrouding the land in purity
A blanket of cold blurring
The shapes of the mundane
Forcing the brave to garb themselves
In warmth as they set out
In the snow hazy morning
To remove the cloak of white
From their steel beasts
I smile at the uncorrupted blanket
Where no being has set foot
And feel a need to somehow
Make angels in it without leaving footprints

Tyrant To My Heart

Blank stare across the bar
she sees me looking at her, I
smile at her, hoping
she will talk with me.
Inside I oppress desire
shunning thoughts of need
chaining my sexuality
according to the rules I
have made for myself.
I am a tyrant to my heart
blade in hand, frowning
that desire dare rebel
against the institution
of my denial.
I bought her a beer and
went over to her
taking initiative to be a friend
a friend
and when we part
I tell myself that I
must remain in chains, muted
so my tyranny can be justified
yet when I lay down to sleep that night
I cry, empty, wishing
and sleep with the hope
I will never awaken

Untitled

Sudden touch
Eliciting giggles of pure pleasure
Stirring the ache within
Hands touching, holding
My fragility in warmth and love
Her voice is a whisper,
Brushing my ear from far away
And close,
The ache becomes a fettered bird
Her touch releases
And I soar through a field of stars
Spoken of in moans and gasps
Until I glide free to the ground
Where she warps me in her strength
Love and protection.
I am safe and free to live and love
Wrapped in her loving arms.

Waiting

Withered old man sits gravely upon his chair on the front porch
of his tired house
waiting…
Little girl with big brown eyes crying in the dark corner of her
hazy room
waiting…
Tear streaks upon the window, jagged scars upon rusty walls,
silent fading grass on broken lumps of ashen soil beneath
a dirty yellow sky and leaden clouds with rain drops
of pale grey-brown flames…
The old man sheds his blood drop tears, the little girl
cringes back into shadow
and the golden sun hides its face, ashamed while the world
holds its last breath
waiting

You Don't See Me

You look at me but you don’t see me
Everything I am is before you, bared
All of my love for you, exposed
Yet all you see is the shell around me
And in your heart, judge me
Less than you because this shell isn’t complete
And even if it were, you would still reject me
Because I am not like you
You will never know ME because
You see only this thing of clay
And find it lacking
Because it wasn’t born like you
I am worthy of love and respect
I am deserving of dignity and integrity
I am who I am and I will always be me
And I will never reject you or judge you
I will only love you
And bear my sorrow and loneliness
Alone